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Sign of the Apocalypse: Lil' Bill O'Reilly

Where on Earth did Lil' Bill O'Reilly come from? We're quite not sure, but whether you love or hate Bill O'Reilly, you have to admire a kid who can deliver the following line completely deadpan:

"Go drive your electric cars into the ocean! I hope you hit a whale on your way to France!"

Here's the link on YouTube.

Rich guys' memo to poor folks: Time to pay up

“I listened to President Bush’s speech. I think I understand this whole economic crisis. See, rich people on Wall Street made a big mess, and they’re too rich to clean it up. So the rest of America, you know, their maids and butlers, they have to clean it up for them. You see how easy it is?

“As far as this whole $700 billion thing is concerned, they keep saying, “We have to act now. We have to act now.” This is like a bad TV offer. “Just 10 easy payments of $70 billion each. Operators are standing by, but you have to act now!”

Jay Leno

Annette and the Gang at 80: Texting acronyms for the elderly

From mcsweeneys.net comes “New Texting Acronyms for the Elderly.”

BIMD: Back in my day
ROFLACGU: Rolling on the floor laughing and can't get up

More here.

Ricky Gervais at the Emmys

Ricky Gervais vs. Steve Carell at the 2008 Emmys. So fine.

Bill Hader's The Line

The Line is a series of seven shorts starring Saturday Night Live regular Bill Hader as a geek who meets his buddy outside a movie theater. They plan to camp out 11 days before a movie opening. Get your duct tape and sleeping bag ready for Episode 1.

The Aspen Center for Real Estate Amnesia

Little is more tragic than purchasing a vacation home or two or three and then forgetting that you have them. Luckily, there's help. NPR Humorist Brian Unger introduces us to a new service that offers hope for those suffering from REA or Real Estate Amnesia.

Simon's Cat trilogy

Some of the best Web humor can be found in vignettes by Simon Tofield, an animation director at Tandem Films. His Simon's Cat series depicts the comical nature of man and beast living together. At Tandem's YouTube channel, see the original Simon's Cat trilogy on demand: Cat Man Do, Let Me In and TV Dinner.

Synchronized office swimming

Not an Olympic sport yet, but still.

Scientific researcher discovers world's shortest joke

Pretentious? Moi?

-- Jim Holt, author of "Stop Me If You've Heard This: A History and Philosophy of Jokes," discussing what may be the shortest possible joke, in Wired magazine.

Great Moments in Cyberspace: Pixeloo "untoons" Jessica, Homer, Stewie

Pixeloo’s "untoon"-ing of cartoon characters, basically turning cartoons into "real" people, includes amazing portraits of Jessica Rabbit, Homer Simpson, Mario the Plumber and Stewie. Link

Postcardsfromyomomma.com

Postcards from yo momma is a collection of snippets from yo momma's forays into the world of e-mail and IM. Some samples:

"I thought you said you weren’t a good candidate for a tattoo because of the way you scar? I really am opposed to tattoos. I guess as your Mom I should keep my mouth shut. But, you can’t wash them off and they are always there and I don’t think they send positive messages or images. Plus, just about every criminal has them. Painful also. don’t do it don’t do don’t do it…….waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

.........

"Hi sweetie. Do you know how to google yourself? I heard on the radio that people can google themselves. I've done a lot of things to myself before, but I've never googled myself."

.........

"Joan and I are starting a club called The Grown-Ass Woman’s Club... Your stepfather is making fun of us but I think he’s just petty and jealous. I finally told him to shut up. That’s what GAW do when they are confronted with negativity. One of our field trips is going to be on a Saturday and we’re going to find those Red Hat Ladies and shove them down. They’re ridiculous and need to be eliminated."

Numnah vs. numnut at the National Spelling Bee

High comedy at the National Spelling Bee in Washington, D.C.

Ignorance is Blitz: Mangled Moments of History from Actual College Students

Anders Henriksson, chairman of the history department at Shepherd University in West Virginia, has compiled a book of the funniest history ever written. He maintains that all passages in the book are from real student prose collected over 30 years. Some excerpts from "Ignorance Is Blitz: Mangled Moments of History from Actual College Students" (Workman Publishing, $6.95):

"During the Dark Ages, it was mostly Dark."

"The Ancient Greeks founded the Olympics in about 1896."

"Cesar was assassinated on the Yikes of March when he is reported to have said, 'Me too, Brutus!'"

"The mother of Jesus was Mary, who was different from other women because of her immaculate contraption."

"Judyism was the first monolithic religion. It had one big God named 'Yahoo.'"

"Alexander the Great conquered Persia, Egypt, and Japan. Sadly, he died with no hairs."

"Fryers were required to take a vow of pottery."

"Without the discovery of the flying buttock it would have been an impossible job to built the Gothic cathedral."

"The major cause of the Civil War was when slavery spread its ugly testicles across the West."

"Germany's William II had a chimp on his shoulder."

"President of England at this time was Nebble Chamberman, who appeared in videos as a man with a boulder hat."

"Stalin, Roosevelt, Churchill, and Truman were known as the 'Big Three.'"

"Martin Luther Junior achieved fame for his 'If I Had a Hammer' speech."

"Children born to Europeans and Asians were known as Euthanasians, a situation that troubled them for life."

"Religion was polyphonic. Featured were gods such as Herod, Mars and Juice. Persepolis was god of vegetables. Souls were believed to spend the "here, there and after" in Ethiopia."

"Ferdinand and Isabella conquered Granola."