20 All-Purpose Witty Comebacks. Clip & Save!

Ever think of a snappy comeback an hour too late? Here are some of our favorites found while cruising cyberspace:

1. I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest. (Thanks Steven Pearl)

2. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. (Thanks Groucho Marx)

3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

5. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

6. Let me guess — home-schooled?

7. Whoa, what do we have here, a Baldwin brother?

8. I know you are, but what am I? (Thanks Peewee Herman)

9. You kill me, O.J.

10. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

12. Well, you probably said it without thinking, the way you do most things.

13. I'm not offended by what you say. I'm just glad that you're stringing words into sentences now.

14. I could have been your dad but the dog beat me over the fence.

15. I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

16. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.

17. What's your problem, wake up on the wrong side of your mom this morning?

18. Looks like somebody needs a huuuuuuug!

19. Save your breath, you're going to need it to blow up your date.

20. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but I don't suppose that's a problem for you.

jokesnjokes.net, david letterman, ericbrooks.com, etc.